Posted in Before I Go by Riah Robinson on 6/8/2011
Where in the world can I dream up how to put into words what my expectations are of this journey? It feels as if I’ve been so nonchalant and comfortable about it all at this point that maybe I’m having a bit of trouble understanding how BIG this is.
So, I’m going on this giant mission trip called the World Race and I know in my head that I have expectations, but words are hard to form, I would suppose, because of knowing on the outside that I shouldn’t have any. Dang pride!
My expectations right now are to be wrecked, shattered and rebuilt so many times that I’m exhausted. I expect to rely on faith in every situation and my mind to be blown by it growing each time. I expect to be tired and mentally
unprepared, ready to give up at times. I expect to miss my family and my dog so much that it hurts and that it will make me want to go home sometimes. I expect that my heart will be so broken by the end of this journey that what I want out of life now, will be completely reconstructed by the time this thing is over.
I expect for God to spin me around like a ballerina.
The thing I am most expecting is that more expectations are going to come from the depths of me when I’m out there on the field and I’m going to be smacked in the face with knowing that yep, I really did have a million expectations before leaving. The issue right now is that I just can’t recognize them.
What I did realize while rereading the top portion of this blog, that they are all expectations that I am afraid of. So, I guess I expect to be afraid.
My positive expectation is that all of those things I am afraid of will make me closer to our Creator. That He will place me in situations where I know He is there, and turn those fears into solid faith and redeeming. That He will use me for everything He possibly can.
I want to be used by God and I hope, but know it isn’t true, that it is my only expectation.
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Posted in Before I Go by Riah Robinson on 5/31/2011
Two years ago, I would never have believed I’d be where I am right now. Sitting on my red couch with my beautiful beagle and writing about why I’d suddenly decided to give up my American Dream of a life and seek something more.
One year ago, I’d be two months away from declaring in a prayer, while walking around by myself in Boston, that I was ready to give my life to Him. With the rustle and bustle of the city, I dropped change into a saxophone case and gave up my insecurities about having faith in something Bigger than me.
Two months ago I was sitting at my desk in my perfectly fitting salaried position, wondering why I wasn’t out there in the world trying to act out the bite to my bark. The drives to work were becoming mundane and routine, even listening to the same Decemberists CD on repeat at its loudest every day. Even the words of the songs started to transform meaning as I articulated each thought of what my purpose may be on this earth.
Let me just say this: When you drop change in the saxophone case once, you’re going to keep dropping it in on each step of the unbeaten path of faith. Each time you will let go of something that is holding you back from a real relationship with the Creator and all of His spectacular Creation.
So this World Race thing is me dumping my saved jar of change into the saxophone case. Letting go of my comfortable life to start living out what I fully believe in: People loving people. Love is something I’ve always believed fully in, but never was I truly vested in it until I began a relationship with God.
Without a doubt, I truly believe that the problems of the world that we have accepted as ‘normal’, can be changed with faith in God AND humanity. Prayer does astounding things and you accompany that with some relationship building and you have changed lives. It is amazing the amount of unconditional love you can develop with faith. To really give your time and energy to someone other than yourself.
Obviously, I believe He has been watching me since before I'd entered my mother’s womb. But it all started to make sense through conversations with strangers on buses, with homeless men and women in shelters or watching thousands of rebelling early 20s stumble from late night concerts, in the home of four college students in an unfamiliar city, on your last day of college and during that first Spirit experience on my mom’s back porch. Knowing I made it out alive and well through all of the insane decisions I’ve made in my life.
Each day the relationship grows and each day I’m reminded of how blessed I am in every aspect of my life. It is time that I share these blessings and share this burning love inside of me to be with a community of believers, simply working to build these relationships with strangers who we will find out, have and always will be our family.
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